Waltz
by idiot devil
Summary: Miuna thinks over her life. Sayu helps. Or tries to anyway.


"Hurry up Miuna, Kaname's gonna leave us behind!" Sayu was tugging incessantly on my my skirt, the charcoal fabric a reminder of how many years had passed since that fateful day.

I could see it. Sometimes. When I gaze up into the clouds and catch a cold glitter of the icicles that Hikari and the others called salt flake snow. It comes in gaps, and I shudder and blush as they come and go, that first moment of seeing him again in the beach, Manaka waking up again and finally that warm feeling on my back when he touched me, never letting me go as I made him declare his love time and again.

My things are a mess on the table and I make a hurry to gather them, Sayu helps me even though I can tell that she keeps one eye firmly at the door at all times, making sure that her Prince Charming isn't just a dream. _And what about mine?_ I don't like these thoughts. Don't want them really. I had already confessed, already screamed to every corner of the occean my true thoughts. So why was it still that I everytime I saw-

"Everything okay? You seem a little pale Miuna..." Sayu had noticed, she always noticied.

"Fine, I'm...," _Am I really fine?_ "I'm fine Sayu, let's get going. Don't want to keep Kaname waiting do we?" I flash her a wink and a giggle, and that seems to be enough to reassure her for now, tell her that I'm not hurting and broken inside.

I get out of my desk, swinging the familiar leather bag over my shoulder. I try my best not to let my thoughts trigger my emotions. Since everytime they do I get a little closer to breaking, and I'm not sure how to react, what to do, who to tell to get rid of everything. It's so hard. Since they're perfect. They were made for each other from the start and I never had a chance.

I could take it. I could've taken it if it were some physical quality that he felt disagreeable, some sort of personality quirk that Manaka had that I didn't, but it was all of it. Her red hair, long and a river of desire. Her smiling blue eyes as she rushed to grab him, tumbling as they fell into the occean together. She was everything to him. And I was just his little sister. At least Hikari was kind enough never to bother me when he and Manaka fought, but it was that kindness and boneheaded recklessness that had made me fall in love with him in the first place, and it hurt, everytime he reminded me of it.

Sayu and I reach the door, and for a brief moment I felt a sudden warm blossom in my stomach, the familiar rush of nostalgia breaking my monotone grief. She smiles at me for a moment and taking my hand, lulls me into chasing her. This is freedom. Running after my best friend at whatever miles per hour, feeling the salt of the sea blow through my bangs as I try and forgot. Try and forget the world around me. Just like when we were children, like when Kaname and Hikari were just like those figures from our fairy tales. Me and Sayu used to pretend that one of us was them, and the other was a princess that was waiting to be rescued. I remember Sayu crying when I did my best to imitate Kaname's voice, crying out that I would never love her, it still brings a tear to my eye, although this is a happy tear.

"One-Two...," The voice came unbidden to me. No one else would've heard it. It was rich, glowing like the afterglow of the morning sun. It was his.

It was soft too.

It wasn't something that could be replaced, either. Even when I tried and tried. "Sayu, go on ahead with Kaname, I just remembered that I had to do an errand before I left so I'll be awhile." Sayu, to her credit, cocks one eyebrow and motions with her hand. "You're not about to do something stupid right?" She says.

"Why would I? Think you've got that pretty covered" I try not to grin.

She punches me lightly in the shoulder and looks away for a moment. Even though we've been friends since the beginning of school, I can't help but wonder at these moments, what she's thinking. Too much probably, judging from her expression, but I can't help but be touched that even after all that, she would never leave me if there were another option.

Nodding to herself, she turns back, seemingly satisfied with her own internal debate. She points a finger to me, and in a dramatic tone that suited her perfectly said " Fine. I shall let you go. Dinner will be ready when you return. Have fun." Man, she really did learn a lot from all that time with Tsumugu.

Sayu bats her eyelashes and leaves me to my own discretion. I don't shy away from the oppurtunity, not like how I would've done before. It's coming from the third floor. I can hear it, a tranquil touch as it seemed to serenade the world to sleep. It was coming from here.

The music was coming from within, but the quality seemed much harsher upfront. It wasn't real. There were breaks and pauses, distorting the masterpiece within. I was alone. There was no one else in the hallway other then me and my beating heart. And so I listened.

And I heard it. It was small, but the window was just wide enough for me to look through. It was there that I saw the stuff of dreams. Of nightmares too.

I saw him lean forward, saw Manaka's face turn the same hue as her hair as she curtisied. They seemed to exist in that moment for an eternity, at least that was how it seemed to me. My thundering heart dropped ever so quieter with every smile, but it was at last when she stood, and the music played that it finally gave up.

They were beautiful. Elegant, stylish, opulent and a million other words that I could use to describe them, but no. It wasn't that they were astonishingly attractive, no, the physical could only be so much a part of a couple's waltz. It was that magnetic attraction, a field of boundless energy where left was right and up was down, and neither really cared which was which. It was only after ten twirls when Manaka, eyes as loopy as bowling balls stepped on Hikari's feet in the midst of the eleventh did the magic stop.

"Ouch! Manaka..." He really is bad at acting angry. I try not to giggle at that observation.

"Hii-kun, Hii-kun, are you okay?" Manaka stumbles forward, nearly tripping over her black gown. Despite myself, I feel a bit touched at the situation. I remember how angry at was when Tsumugu told me how Manaka had looked at him. I had thought she was unworthy of Hikari's love, but she fought just as hard to prove me wrong. Of course she never knew about all this, but every time she rushed to his side, comforted him when he needed it, I'd guess one didn't need to be an expert of any sort to know that she cared for him just as much.

Flashing one of his toothless smiles, Hikari said, " Of course, there's no way I would be hurting over this. Of course not." Manaka gives a small nod as she begins to stammer an apology, but he doesn't wait.

I try not to look for the sake of my own sanity, but I can't help but glance as he pulls her in close and gives one of the cheesy lines that I've seen from those romcoms that Sayu likes to watch. "You know, you're really cute when you're like that...," not that it isn't effective. Manaka blushes again as his lips close hers , but that is the last thing I see before tears start coming down into my eyes.

"Done?" Sayu hands me a hankerchief as we sit opposite one another in the diner. The bartender wipes his next glass with a flourish, and I can't help but think that he's heard such a story, or at least ones similiar to it before. Smiling to himself, he makes his way to the staff room to give us some privacy.

"Miuna, I..." I feel like an idiot sometimes. Sayu means well but who can help me when I can't even help myself? I knew the consequences of following my heart, and I had paid for it dearly.

"No, Sayu.., I can't do this anymore."

"Miuna.."

"I can't sit in my seat and pretend everything's fine when I know that they're together. I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy for my friend, but I can't Sayu. I just can't."

"Miuna..."

"Don't Miuna me, damn it. At least you have Kaname, at least you have something worth living for" I put my head into my hands as fresh tears threaten to spill. I don't even notice Sayu quietly leaving her seat and coming into mine until she places her arms around my chest.

"If you can't have Hikari, then I won't have Kaname either!" Her voice is shrill, but backed up by firm honesty.

"Sayu..."

"Now it's my turn to tell you not to Sayu me. Who said you had nothing to live for huh? I mean, you have Akari, your dad, Akira, Hikari, Manaka, Tsumugu, Kaname, Chisaki and everyone else. They all care about you and want you to be happy. And you have me too." She smiles at that. " And I count for double, right?"

"Sayu.."

"I mean, I get if your really sad and all about this, but don't forget that your magnificient friend Sayu will always be by your side. She won't leave her best friend, and if that best friends wants her to be without her prince, well so be it!"

"Sayu..., shut up" She stops abruptly as I crack a small smile. "Just, don't think your alone, okay?" I return her hug as a signal in my acquise with her statment. We lie there for awhile. I don't remember how long, but all I know is that I do not dream of him with her by my side. And that is enough, for now.


End file.
